I miss writing. Part of me has been waiting for lightning to strike, for a good idea to come to me.
But that's backwards, isn't it? Because the lightning comes from writing.
I've been thinking I don't have anything to say, but really I haven't been writing and posting because I'm afraid. Because once I post, all I can do is wait to see how people respond. And how people respond defines me. It shouldn't. It does.
Other people's approval is everything to me. Is the only way I know how to define my worth. The risk of putting "bad" writing out there is real.
Because if I'm rejected or criticized? I am nothing.
So instead, I disappear.
I don't think that's better.
But I don't know what else to do.
I don't like my approval seeking. I'm embarrassed of it. I'm afraid it means I'm doing something wrong, it in and of itself makes me less worthy.
So, here I am. Writing. Good or bad. Sending it out into the world.
It's all I can do.