I miss writing. Part of me has been waiting for lightning to strike, for a good idea to come to me.
But that's backwards, isn't it? Because the lightning comes from writing.
I've been thinking I don't have anything to say, but really I haven't been writing and posting because I'm afraid. Because once I post, all I can do is wait to see how people respond. And how people respond defines me. It shouldn't. It does.
Other people's approval is everything to me. Is the only way I know how to define my worth. The risk of putting "bad" writing out there is real.
Because if I'm rejected or criticized? I am nothing.
So instead, I disappear.
I don't think that's better.
But I don't know what else to do.
I don't like my approval seeking. I'm embarrassed of it. I'm afraid it means I'm doing something wrong, it in and of itself makes me less worthy.
So, here I am. Writing. Good or bad. Sending it out into the world.
It's all I can do.
I've been stuck in this place lately. Thank you for sharing this space in your head with us. I needed to know I'm not alone (even though I didn't know I needed to know it). xo
ReplyDeleteKeeping going. It's hard, but it's entirely worth it.
ReplyDeleteI can relate, I often do the same thing when I post things... In my opinion it doesn't make you less worthy. I'm so glad you posted this and hope you will keep writing!
ReplyDeleteYes to all of this. Keep writing, keep publishing.
ReplyDeleteOh honey. This so much. I understand truly. But your community of warriors is behind you.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same because I have IRL people that read and that scares me to pieces. But you all? You are my strength and I love you all. Just like we love you.