Wednesday, May 23, 2012


I've been quiet around here lately.  In fact, Saturday was my blogiversary and I celebrated it by not writing.

That's disappointing.

I don't have an easy answer to why.  There are things in my head that I don't know how to put into words, and there are things that I don't necessarily want to put out into the world, but I don't think that's the whole problem.

I'm an introvert, a serious introvert, and I'm having to remind myself more and more that that isn't a fault.  That not wearing my feelings on my sleeve doesn't make me any less brave than the women and men who do.

But it does make me wonder a little bit what I'm doing here.

There is a way in which writing comes naturally to me, in which writing is what makes me feel like me, heals whatever it is that is wrong in my head.

And there's a way in which this isn't that.

I don't know if that makes any sense.

There's a whole part of blogging that isn't about writing at all, the part that's social and interactive, the part that's about going out into the world and trying to convince people that what you have to say is worth saying.

And I'm not really interested in that.  And I think it's important to me to say that.  Because sometimes I feel like I'm failing, like I'm not where I thought I'd be after a year, like I must not be doing it right.

But it's not that I can't do it.  It's that I'm not interested in doing it.

But at the same time, when I do write something I'm really proud of, I sometimes think, well what's the point?  I mean, I know my friends are reading, and maybe that should be enough.  But sometimes it isn't.

So, I don't know.  This little piece of the web matters.  I know this.  And it isn't going to go viral.  And it's never going to make me a bunch of money.  And it probably isn't going to get me a book deal.  And it probably isn't going to change the world.

But I do want to write. And I do want what I write to be good.  And I want it to be real and true, and I want it to matter.

But lately my head is either too loud or too quiet,


  1. Hey THERE you are! I've missed you. Blogging can be tough, I think. I struggle to keep up with the social piece, so I just what I can when I can. And like you, accept that I'm not going to hit the big time with blogging and that's okay. Because it's really just a space to write, and learn, and put myself out there. And that IS important. YOU are important!

  2. I seriously don't remember when mine is. Meh...I like to keep her young and lively like me...ahem..young...
    Anyways, write for you when you want to. Don't feel pressured into writing for an audience.
    What I love about you is that you are raw and it pours through your eloquent words. You are a wonderful writer.
    I think that quality by far surpasses quantity of posts and that's what keeps people coming back.
    Your voice will come you just have to listen to what your heart and soul are whispering to you.

  3. I am glad you write. I love the days when I find you in my inbox.

    I think we all struggle with our audience and our words, but the thought that keeps coming back to me, to paraphrase some song lyrics that elude me at the moment: you may not change the world, but you may change SOMEONE'S world.

    There is nothing I like better than a discussion that includes the phrase, I never tout of that, or I never saw that perspective before.

    Write for you. Write what matters to you. If you throw enough pebbles, the ripples eventually reach the shore.

  4. I love your candor in your writing. Just write what you want to write about when you want to. "But I do want to write. And I do want what I write to be good. And I want it to be real and true, and I want it to matter." This sums up exactly how I feel about my own blog. You matter, and your words matter.

  5. I went through a one-year anniversary/midlife crisis recently too. You say it all really well though: You may never go viral, but that doesn't mean that your words don't touch anybody or that what you do is not important. I do think it's important to ask what exactly your goals in blogging are (doesn't matter what they were when you started out). I haven't been here before, but I enjoyed what you wrote here. Happy anniversary!

  6. I can so relate to how you're feeling. I tell myself it's ok to feel this way, but I can't help but also feel a little disappointed in myself for it.

    What it really comes down to, though, is that I love to write. Whether anyone is reading or not! And I really mean that! I write in a diary, I write letters to Jackson, I write emails intended for one set of eyes only... I don't really need an audience.

    Yet I still check stats obsessively and am let down when they drop off. And I still try to write for readers sometimes, forgetting all the gazillion reasons I don't want to blog like that.


    Big hugs.

  7. I have nothing to add except that I know. And I love what Kimberly wrote. 100% agreed. I come here b/c you're SO real and honest and I need that.

    I've kinda given up on the whole blog thing too. I used to check stats, I wanted to be popular. But it exhausted me. I just want to focus on writing & relationships. That's all. If I get a couple perks through it, awesome. If not, that's cool too.