Tuesday, October 2, 2012

In which I get all ranty and bring the hammer down

Okay, it's possible that I'm getting feisty and angry in my old age, but I have a rant in me and it's coming out.

 Bear in mind, what I'm about to say does not apply to situations of outright abuse, or of moms or families who are in acute crisis.

 Moms of the Internet: Stop trying to save other people's kids.

I get it. You had a great breastfeeding experience. You read a fantastic discipline book. You figured out a sleep training method that worked perfectly for your family. And you feel SO GREAT about this that you want to share it with all of those less fortunate moms who have not yet been enlightened by your wisdom. You owe it to their poor children, who are suffering at the hands of someone less talented than you.

 You don't know better. You aren't more right. You were struggling once too. You will be again. And we'll still love you when you are.

Unless it's your child, your bed, your boob, your opinion is just an opinion. And unless you are asked for it, keep it to yourself.

What moms, what all of us, need is support and encouragement not advice. We need to hear as we're muddling through and searching for what's best, that that's what you did too. That we're all just kind of a mess. And that once in a while, we all have a win that makes us feel like the greatest mom in the world.

But we need to have those wins ourselves. You can't give them to us. And our kids are going to be just fine.

Because we are, all of us, good enough parents. So thanks for your advice. But no thanks. I'll take a shoulder if you have one though.


  1. Yes to all of this. We all need encouragement and support. We are all of us good enough parents. My shoulder is here for you anytime, sweetie.

  2. Yes, Yes, Yes!
    Unsolicited advice hurts, and make us feel even more inadequate than we already do in a rough situation.
    So thank you so much for putting this in these words. I love your feisty writing voice! obviously you get better with age. (mind you, you were always awesome and amazing, I love how the more you live through this stuff, the brighter you shine. huge hugs.

  3. Amen. Hallelujah. Hip hip hooray.

    You get the idea. ;)

  4. Statements that begin with you should are dead ringers for going someplace we shouldn't with our words. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

  5. Woohoo!! Well said. Now, if I can tell you about how I wrote the most wonderful post on just this topic . . . ;)