The baby climbs on her big sister, and I hear my beautiful three year old cry out "I saaiiiiiiiid, NO BABY." I don't remember "said" being three syllables before.
I pull both my children into my arms and onto my face, wondering briefly if I am in danger of being smothered. My older girl giggles and says "Mommy, you have all the bears!"
I smile. I hug. I soften. But I don't get off the floor.
I feel like I want to justify, to explain, to validate why I'm so tired.
Well, the baby woke up last night.
Well, we were out on the nature trail this morning.
Well, I did have company this weekend.
But you know what? That's hogwash. Poppycock. Hooey.
I'm tired. Because, well, I'm tired. I'm a person who really likes sleep. And rest. And breaks. Always have been. And I'm tired.
And that urge to apologize for it, to say why I'm worthy of the tired is just me kicking the stuffing out of myself again. Doubting. Comparing. Shenanigans.
So, you know what?
Dear, sweet working/stay at home/work at home mom of a newborn/toddler/teenager, I see you. You're tired. And I don't mean that in the way my MIL does when she tells me I look tired every time we Skype and it makes me want to
And who the flipping freak cares why.
So let's all sit together at the same table and raise a huge
I hear you. I am was tired when I was working outside the home. I am just as tired now that I am inside the house all day. I am tired when the kids are home. I am tired when they are out with daddy for the day. I have decided at this point, the only thing I can hope is that I will look back on these years and be glad I chose the road of exhaustion...
ReplyDeleteI thought I was tired before but it's nothing compared to how tired I am as a mom. In every way we give so much of ourselves and we forget to pour into ourselves too. But I hear ya. Through my sleep induced haze, I hear ya.
ReplyDeleteOh, I am the same way. Tired from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. If I could spend a few days in my bed watching netflix I would be one happy mama. Now, I do wonder some times if I would be less tired if I went to bed at 9pm instead of 11:30. I mean, after all, those 2.5 hours are pretty much spent wasting time online. But I need those hours awake. To feel like I'm more than just a maid. I'm also an internet sensation.
ReplyDeleteIf I could wake up in December...perhaps Spring...that would be glorious.
ReplyDeleteI almost fell asleep helping my oldest read. I felt horrible. Then I instituted a new rule for reading. No lying horizontal. That will induce sleepiness in both of us. Huge hugs.
ReplyDelete