I really shouldn't wait until 11 to write these

 It is 11:00 at night. I'm curled up in a corner of my couch. YouTube comedy videos are playing on my TV but I'm not entirely watching them. I have to be up at 6:00 am to get my kids off to school. My coffee pot is already set up. I should probably be in bed already. But I'm not.

I have been spending the past few days looking at writing jobs and online teaching jobs and curriculum design jobs. I tried to learn more about freelance writing and copywriting and content marketing and virtual assistanting (I'm not sure that last one is a verb, but PARALLEL STRUCTURE) I made a few things for my teachers pay teachers store and tried to promote them. 

And I've come to the conclusion that everything sucks and I hate it all. I don't want to do anything. I'm not already good at anything and I don't want to be bad at everything. 

I've never been anything but a teacher and a mom, and I am afraid I'm too old to learn to be anything else. I'm afraid I'll never be able to choose anything or commit to anything. I'm afraid I'll just be rejected at everything and it will SUCK SO HARD and I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE IT. 

I don't know anymore. It's 11:20 at night and I should already be in bed but when I wake up I don't know what I will do. Well. I know I'll put my kids on the bus, but beyond that I really just don't know.

I'm not sure this went anywhere or that I said anything but it's 11:20 at night, and this is what you get.