Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Doing it right: Being brave and vulnerable
This morning was one of those mornings when I woke up already feeling discouraged.
I felt discouraged because yesterday my daughter ended up watching hours of TV, including two episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba, which I gave in to because the extremely overdramatic reaction she has to being denied that show is both unpleasant and downright terrifying. Because I spent most of the day yesterday plugged into my computer instead of engaging with my life. Because I didn't sleep much last night for the second night in a row. And because I didn't have any plans for today and was sure it would end up just like yesterday.
I went on twitter and admitted that I didn't want to go to the park by ourselves again. That the idea made me sad. And immediately was embarrassed at having admitted that.
Then I did something crazy. I hopped over to facebook where people who know me in real life live. (Wait, that's not where they live? Crap. Baby steps, story.)
And I wrote a status asking people to play with me.
Okay, I didn't use those words. It sounded much more grown up. And it was cute and clever because when I want to avoid being really vulnerable, cute and clever are my go-to's.
But it was vulnerable anyway. Because even if I made a joke about it, it was clear that I was bored and lonely and just wanted a friend. Clear right there in front of people I've known my whole life as well as people I might see at the grocery store tomorrow.
And I immediately didn't know which would be worse: if no one responded, or if someone did.
Well, someone did. A mom who's newer to the area than I am, who needed the company as much as I did. And we went, and we played and we had fun.
And other people replied too. To say, Maybe next time, or I wish I lived close enough. I had a neighbor (EEEP) tell me to come over and play whenever. I even had a former student say she wished she could play with me. (Me too. Sigh. Me too.)
I know that for some people, making plans is not a big deal. But for me it is. It was scary and kinda awful and still feels a little icky. But I did it anyway. And I saved my day, and probably someone else's too.
So, that's what I'm doing right.