This morning was one of those mornings when I woke up already feeling discouraged.
I felt discouraged because yesterday my daughter ended up watching hours of TV, including two episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba, which I gave in to because the extremely overdramatic reaction she has to being denied that show is both unpleasant and downright terrifying. Because I spent most of the day yesterday plugged into my computer instead of engaging with my life. Because I didn't sleep much last night for the second night in a row. And because I didn't have any plans for today and was sure it would end up just like yesterday.
I went on twitter and admitted that I didn't want to go to the park by ourselves again. That the idea made me sad. And immediately was embarrassed at having admitted that.
Then I did something crazy. I hopped over to facebook where people who know me in real life live. (Wait, that's not where they live? Crap. Baby steps, story.)
And I wrote a status asking people to play with me.
Okay, I didn't use those words. It sounded much more grown up. And it was cute and clever because when I want to avoid being really vulnerable, cute and clever are my go-to's.
But it was vulnerable anyway. Because even if I made a joke about it, it was clear that I was bored and lonely and just wanted a friend. Clear right there in front of people I've known my whole life as well as people I might see at the grocery store tomorrow.
And I immediately didn't know which would be worse: if no one responded, or if someone did.
Well, someone did. A mom who's newer to the area than I am, who needed the company as much as I did. And we went, and we played and we had fun.
And other people replied too. To say, Maybe next time, or I wish I lived close enough. I had a neighbor (EEEP) tell me to come over and play whenever. I even had a former student say she wished she could play with me. (Me too. Sigh. Me too.)
I know that for some people, making plans is not a big deal. But for me it is. It was scary and kinda awful and still feels a little icky. But I did it anyway. And I saved my day, and probably someone else's too.
So, that's what I'm doing right.
I saw your post on FB this morning and I was so proud of you, knowing it was probably uncomfortable to some degree (because we are alike, and that's uncomfortable for me, too). I'm very happy you had a fun morning! Thank you so much for linking up!
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I'm proud of you for reaching out. I see other moms do it too. It only takes one. I think a lot of people are waiting for an invite and I'm glad you found the courage to extend it.
ReplyDeleteIts hard when feeling so vulnerable to get out there and approach people, making it known that you aren't feeling so great. I think making small plans and taking small steps to getting out a few times a week and talking to people, striking up conversations etc, makes a huge difference. You may be surprised as to how many people are feeling the way you are.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing just fine my dear. Just think of the people who didn't reach out but decided to get the courage because you did.
ReplyDeleteI'd play with you any day.
Wait..
That sounded creepy.
PS. My son is watching a marathon of spongebob. I always feel guilty because of it. We all do it.