I am not good at self care.
I am not good at not being good at things.
I want to be kinder to myself, and happier, and better equipped to deal with the hard stuff and enjoy the good stuff.
Which isn't to say I want to run and sleep and read and eat clean and eat chocolate and drink all my water and have a second cup of coffee and a glass of wine and avoid numbing my vulnerability and learn something new and get out of the house and have a pajama day and accomplish things and take it easy all in the same day, every day. And beat myself up when I somehow don't manage it.
Maybe some of you don't need to remind yourselves of this. But I do.
When I first started trying to feel better, and again when I decided to "grow," I got caught up in this idea of self care as something that was a burden. Something else I had to fit into the day on top of everything else.
Because I still need to play with my kids. I still need to eat and prepare meals. Laundry still needs to be done. Self care seemed so heavy.
But it's not.
Some days, I want to do some things for myself. I want to send out Monday morning glitter on Twitter. I want to read at night, and to cuddle with my husband watch TV. I want to write most days. Once in a while I want to run or do yoga (although not so much these days).
But most days? All I need is to pause for a second every once in a while. To breathe before I answer something. To finish my sandwich before I run to react to my daughters' perceived crises.
And, well, maybe have some chocolate.