Stop the self care madness

I am not good at self care.

I am not good at not being good at things.

I want to be kinder to myself, and happier, and better equipped to deal with the hard stuff and enjoy the good stuff.

Which isn't to say I want to run and sleep and read and eat clean and eat chocolate and drink all my water and have a second cup of coffee and a glass of wine and avoid numbing my vulnerability and learn something new and get out of the house and have a  pajama day and accomplish things and take it easy all in the same day, every day.  And beat myself up when I somehow don't manage it.

Maybe some of you don't need to remind yourselves of this.  But I do.

When I first started trying to feel better, and again when I decided to "grow," I got caught up in this idea of self care as something that was a burden.  Something else I had to fit into the day on top of everything else.

Because I still need to play with my kids.  I still need to eat and prepare meals. Laundry still needs to be done.  Self care seemed so heavy.

But it's not.

Some days, I want to do some things for myself.  I want to send out Monday morning glitter on Twitter.  I want to read at night, and to cuddle with my husband watch TV.  I want to write most days.  Once in a while I want to run or do yoga (although not so much these days).

But most days?  All I need is to pause for a second every once in a while.  To breathe before I answer something.  To finish my sandwich before I run to react to my daughters' perceived crises.

And, well, maybe have some chocolate.