The past few days (weeks?) have been rough around here. Neither of my kids has been napping, and I've been feeling like I was constantly on, like I couldn't get anything productive accomplished, like I didn't have a moment to myself to think or breathe. My Big Girl and I have been at each other's throats. I've been snapping a lot, and she's been either sulky and grumpy or absolutely wired.
I've been feeling burned out. It's too much. I was shutting off completely.
Today, after BG had a morning of throwing herself on the floor and crying that she didn't want to do anything, and about an hour of "quiet time," during which she mostly sang and yelled in her room, I went to get here, feeling as defeated as I usually do when I realize she hasn't napped again.
But today? I really didn't have much fight left in me. I didn't have it in me to hustle, to try to come up with things that neither of us really wanted to do that would make me feel better about all of my faults as a mother. I didn't have it in me to put up a wall between me and her to block out how bad I felt about being burned out and resentful of her. I put Tangled in my DVD player and curled up on the couch with her.
And she melted into my arms.
And my eyes filled up with tears and I couldn't breathe momentarily because I love her so much.
And in that moment I had a realization about my own strengths and gifts, one which I feel I need to share with you all.
I have magic hair that glows when I sing.
Wait, no, that's not it.
I'm a good mom.
Good moms watch movies sometimes.
Good moms take breaks.
Good moms get frustrated sometimes, and lose their patience sometimes, and feel burned out and frustrated and sad sometimes.
Good moms have kids who act insanopants sometimes. Or more than sometimes. Ahem.
Good moms have kids who cry in their rooms sometimes. And good moms hold their babies too long because they don't want to fight over naptime again.
Good moms are allowed to feel all their feelings, even when those feelings are wanting to be somewhere else for a little while.
Good moms are uncomfortable sometimes, and they have kids who are uncomfortable sometimes.
Good moms do grow and change, but they also fight and resist and kick and scream first sometimes.
Good moms do what it takes to raise their kids, to love them and themselves.