I want to be seen as smart, competent, compassionate, talented, wise, funny, helpful, a good mother.
I want to be seen as laid back and at the same time as completely perfect in every way.
I want everything I do to seem effortless and graceful while at the seem time completely impressive and totally worth doing.
I want to give and accept help graciously without ever at any time actually needing help.
I want to be 100% devoted and dedicated to my kids and also to have an impeccable house without being the kind of woman who is defined solely in terms of her kids or her house.
I want to be open and authentic and vulnerable but not to expose any of my sore spots or weaknesses or to give anyone the chance to hurt me or reject me.
I want to please everyone all the time and never let anyone down without feeling resentful or like an overworked martyr.
I want to be appreciated for the work I do without feeling like people are blowing smoke or giving unearned praise. But I don't want to want to be appreciated.
Y'know, that's all.
(Inspired by and spun off from an exercise from <i>I thought it was just me<i> by Brene Brown. It wasn't funny when I started writing, I swear.)