It's 8 AM on a Monday. I am tired. Coffee isn't helping. The baby has fallen asleep for nap #1 (on my chest of course), which makes sense since she's been up since 5:30 and was up every 2-3 hours before that. I am sitting on my couch with my laptop and half a scone, and I am about 30 seconds away from a meltdown.
So what do I do? I make a joke.
I IM a friend and say "So, DH seems to think this SAHM gig includes house cleaning."
And she LOLs. And I start to cry.
I want to keep my house impeccably clean. I want to make gourmet meals and decorate beautiful cakes. I want to have romantic date nights and deep, intellectual discussions with my husband. I want to spend every awake minute of my daughter's life talking to and playing with and singing to her. I want to be able to run a 5K and do yoga every morning and every night. I want to have my hair and face done and wear fashionable, crisp, flattering clothes every day. I want to write volumes of beautiful prose.
But I don't, I don't, I don't.
In fact, what DO I do all day?
If I could say I wasn't cleaning because I was playing with the baby, that would be fine. If I wasn't reading and writing because I was taking such good care of the house, I'd still be proud. If I wasn't practicing self care because I was spending all my time at the farmers market and in the kitchen, I'd probably still be happy.
But I'm not.
You're probably busy all day doing what most mommies do--surviving. Staying awake. Trying to make the baby happy. It's hard to remember when you're in the thick of it, but this will pass and you will eventually be the mommy who squeezes in some yoga and an occasional date night. At least that's what I tell myself every day when I'm half asleep from sheer exhaustion but it's nowhere near bedtime. I SO feel your pain (even though I am not a SAHM). I want all those things, too. Someday... someday... That's the mantra of the tired momma, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I had all these grand visions before the baby got here too-storytime, fresh food every night, trips to the grocery store. Instead I have frozen dinners and I'm lucky if I'm out of my pajamas by noon.
ReplyDeleteI admit, I screamed like a banshee at my hubs this weekend over cleaning and told him I don't care that he works, he needs to freaking help me around the house.
ReplyDeleteJaime's right, you're surviving. And I bet there are very few moms, even the ones who don't struggle with the stuff you do, whose days are like that. Mine never were. They're not now. I'm off work and my husband is home full time and our house is a disaster.
ReplyDeleteSome days I get my sh*t together and some days I don't. You've just gotta survive and trust that everything will be okay ;)