The toddler had nestled into her crib after only moments of fussing, laughingly declaring. "Bed. Okay. Bye, mommy."
The preschooler was snuggled in her bed agreeably with a book, some wooden toys, and a timer.
As I walked down the stairs I thought to myself, Okay, now I have time to do all the things I really want to do. All the guilty fun, all the productivity, all the meaningful making, all the self improvement. Okay, now I'm going to..
And as my butt hit the couch, my brain went completely blank.
I picked up my tablet.
I opened a google message box.
"What am I supposed to be doing?"
"Good question. Have you written yet today?"
"In my journal," can you mumble on google chat? "It didn't really work."
"Working isn't really what matters."
I closed my tablet case, as one does when one knows that one is wrong but wants to keep sulking. I lay back on the couch and pulled a blanket over me. I closed my eyes.
This will work. This must be what I need. I just need to not be on for a minute.
The phone rang.
"Hi, did you finish the invitations for Little's birthday party?"
"Oh," I felt more groggy than I expected after 30 seconds with my eyes closed. "No, not yet. I'm going to - "
"Okay. And did you open all the Amazon boxes with the kids' gifts?"
"Oh. No. I should do that now while they're..."
"MOMMY!" came the extremely loud stage whisper from the top of the stairs.
"I, uh, I have to go. That's BG."
"Oh, okay, call later if you need me."
"Sweetie, what is it?"
"Come look at how I dressed my dolls."
"Sweetie, it's Quiet Time. If your clock isn't green, go back to your room. I'll look at them later."
I went back to the couch. I closed my eyes. The washer buzzed.
I should switch that over. I should get those boxes. I should finish those ... I'll just close my eyes for another sec ...
"Mommy! I have to go potty!"
"I'll be right there."
There are only ten minutes left on her quiet time timer when I put her back to bed. I head downstairs and throw a k cup in the coffee pot. I lug the boxes up to my closet. I throw the towels in the dryer.
"Mommy, my clock is green!"
"Come on down, baby. Let's play."