Monday, November 3, 2014

The fighting

BG kicked the pink and white soccer ball into the net.

"GOOOOOOOOAL!" I yelled, as she ran, jumped, and danced around the yard.

Behind me, little sister, with a huge smile on her face dribbled the old great soccer ball forward, directly into the net next to her sister's.  "Yay!" I yelled, and my tiny girl echoed "yay!" throwing her hands in the air.

BG was not so excited.  "No!  She can't! The game is over! I'm the best soccer team in the world, so I WIN."

"That's fine, honey, you win. She doesn't care about that. She just wants to play. And she's allowed to kick the ball too."

"Noooooo.". And she ran into the house.

I sighed, scooping up my toddler, the goal and both soccer balls and following in through the garage.

Every morning when BG wakes up, she asks if the baby is awake. If she is, my big girl runs back into her room screaming, as little sister follows her there, yelling her name.

She says that she wants to have some special one on one time with mommy. But it feels like no matter how much I give her, it will never be enough.

I want her to have enough. And I want her to not be spoiled, to share mommy, to love her sister, to be kind.

And little sister, now, has started fighting for what's hers. Grabbing things out of people's hands. Colonizing my lap and yelling MY MOMMY. There just isn't enough mommy to go around.

I know the stories I tell myself about what her behavior  means are a big part of the problem. I know it's "normal" for my kids to fight, that it doesn't really mean there's anything wrong.

But I feel every bit of their pain, and all rationality goes out the window.


  1. I'm actually looking forward to when my own littlest bear can say MY MOMMY instead of the screaming she is doing at the moment. The meaning is the same. And the big one is going through this phase where small disappointments (missing the very very beginning of dance class, because we are in the bathroom) lead to meltdowns. I keep telling myself to read Siblings Without Rivalry, and the chapter on siblings in Nurture Shock, but I can't find the motivation. What if it doesn't help? Ack. I hear you. @greatersafety

  2. Huge hugs. I am in the same boat. I am working with both girls to ask for what they want and need instead of yelling and screaming or climbing into my lap. It's all about claiming their time, no matter how that looks. The littlest will literally climb into my lap or hop on my back at any given time, regardless of what is in my lap or if I'm ready to have nearly 33 pounds launched at me. I wish I had some words of wisdom. Just know that you are heard.