BG kicked the pink and white soccer ball into the net.
"GOOOOOOOOAL!" I yelled, as she ran, jumped, and danced around the yard.
Behind me, little sister, with a huge smile on her face dribbled the old great soccer ball forward, directly into the net next to her sister's. "Yay!" I yelled, and my tiny girl echoed "yay!" throwing her hands in the air.
BG was not so excited. "No! She can't! The game is over! I'm the best soccer team in the world, so I WIN."
"That's fine, honey, you win. She doesn't care about that. She just wants to play. And she's allowed to kick the ball too."
"Noooooo.". And she ran into the house.
I sighed, scooping up my toddler, the goal and both soccer balls and following in through the garage.
Every morning when BG wakes up, she asks if the baby is awake. If she is, my big girl runs back into her room screaming, as little sister follows her there, yelling her name.
She says that she wants to have some special one on one time with mommy. But it feels like no matter how much I give her, it will never be enough.
I want her to have enough. And I want her to not be spoiled, to share mommy, to love her sister, to be kind.
And little sister, now, has started fighting for what's hers. Grabbing things out of people's hands. Colonizing my lap and yelling MY MOMMY. There just isn't enough mommy to go around.
I know the stories I tell myself about what her behavior means are a big part of the problem. I know it's "normal" for my kids to fight, that it doesn't really mean there's anything wrong.
But I feel every bit of their pain, and all rationality goes out the window.