Thursday, December 8, 2011

Actually? I'm okay

I've been struggling for a while. Being a mom is hard, any which way you slice it. I was lonely, I was tired, I was bored and yet overwhelmingly busy.

But lately? I've been okay. It's funny how that's almost as hard to admit as that I'm not okay. I'm almost afraid that if I say it, then somehow the bottom will drop out and I'll be lost again.

Am I still tired? Yes. My precious baby - errm - toddler woke up 4 times last night, inconsolable. Is it still hard? Yes. Heck yes. Let's just say some little misses around here have decided to wholeheartedly embrace the label of toddler.

But? Something has turned. Something is better. There is a peace running through my days now that I haven't seen in a while, that I may have seen never. Does that mean I always feel peaceful? No. Some days the anxiety monster still knocks me on my butt. But when it does, I can see it as that. It doesn't take over my life.

Some days I get a lot done: I make comfort food, I vacuum my carpets, I write blog posts. Some days all I want to do is get out and see other human beings. Some days I need to just sit on my couch in my yoga pants and watch my Baby Girl play (or beg her not to flip over my trashcan).

And you know what? That's okay. Because there're no wrong answers. I just need to do whatever I need to do on any given day. I know that now. And that's why I'm going to be alright.


  1. This post has put a big ol'smile on my face! I am so happy for you that you are okay and that a peace has settled on you . . . you so deserve all of this peace and happiness. ((hugs))

  2. This made me happy. Hugs and continued peace to you, dear. Thanks for always being there to lend a kind word when I'm in need.

  3. Sending you hugs! So glad to see you turning the page in your recovery.

  4. I'm glad in midst of chaos, you know where you should be, and you accept your challenge for the day.

    It's true though, some time it's hard to admit the goods part in life, just as much as the bad portion..I'm still struggled to embrace this! Thanks for visiting..Much appreciate!

  5. Such a smart mama. Yes, we can have days when we get things done and then days when we just need to take care of ourselves. xo

  6. I'm so happy you are doing well! I'm the same--I'm afraid to say everything's fine in case the bottom slips out from under me. But I've had more peace lately too. I owe some of that to your friendship.

  7. I know that fear of the bottom falling out. I pray it does not drop out.