The first activity BG and I ever went to was Baby Book Nook at our local library. She was about 8 months old, and I thought it was a Godsend. Every Wednesday morning, a 20 minute story time targeted directly at 0-2 year olds? She would be stimulated, entertained, and educated; I might even make friends. Ahem.
The first time I went, I was kind of disappointed. The librarian did a nice job, but most of the kids were older. BG didn't care about it much. But the worst thing? The moms were cliquey. No one talked to me.
I was sure it was just because I had never been there before. They just needed time to get used to me. So I started going every week. I got upset when I missed one because I thought that would set me back. Even when we started swimming lessons on Wednesday mornings, I tried to go to both. Over time, they started to nod at me when I came in. I thought my heart would explode with joy.
Then I found my MOM's Club. I liked them. I went to playgroups, and sometimes that meant I missed story time. Then we started traveling. I missed more. Soon I hadn't gone to story time in months.
This morning, I looked at my calendar and decided to go to the library. The way I remembered it, it was lovely. It was another place I belonged.
Except when I walked in the door, those mommies looked at me like they'd never seen me before. It hadn't been that long. I remembered them.
BG sat on the floor like the good girl she is. She stared blankly while we sang "If you're happy and you know it." She only half smiled when I tickled her.
Then, during free play time at the end, she stood up and walked straight out the door of the meeting room. She paused to see the fish, checked the bookshelves, then walked to the elevator.
I hear you, sweetie.