But lately, it feels so small.
You can fit a lot of snark into 140 characters. But you can't fit a life.
I want to be seen. I want to be known. I want to be understand. And everything in my life can only be understood in the context of everything else in my life.
It's so tempting. It's so tempting to just get on twitter in the middle of the afternoon and say "Oh hello world, I'm so witty, look at meeeeeeeee!" And when it works it is so reinforcing. Which makes it so hard to stop.
But I'm not saying what I need to say. I'm simplifying things I should be expanding. And I'm waiting like an eager, well trained puppy for someone to hand me something I'm supposed to be looking for myself.
And more and more instead of the thrill, I'm feeling a twitter let down. "Why did no one answer that tweet? It was brilliant! Why does no one know I'm sitting here waiting for an entry into conversation? Why does no one understand what I'm really trying to say?"
And more and more I feel like Prufrock.
And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all;
That is not it, at all.”
...
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I know that twitter is a tool. I just don't think I'm using it right.
Story, I get this. I struggle with wanting to just want to talk to someone on the phone instead. How do you end a conversation on the Twitter? How do you jump in? Is there a class I can take? I hear you.
ReplyDeleteNo, you're right about Twitter, but know that it has connected you to some people who do want to know more than the 140 characters it allows. And we've shared many, many thoughts & sentences. But yeah, I get the letdown feeling. A lot. You're not doing it wrong--it's the nature of the beast.
ReplyDeleteI've told you, Rach, Becky and Lea the same thing: I don't know your whole story, just bits and pieces. But I like what I know, the good and the bad. And I'm always around if you want to expand. I'm just an email or text away. Sending giant hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I hear you. And I like you.
I heart you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have a habit of multi-tweeting. Cuz you're right. 140 characters ain't enough. (:
And I have reconciled myself to the fact that not everybody will appreciate my wittiness. But at least I got to vent my brain SOMEWHERE. And where better than with complete strangers?
I heart you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have a habit of multi-tweeting. Cuz you're right. 140 characters ain't enough. (:
And I have reconciled myself to the fact that not everybody will appreciate my wittiness. But at least I got to vent my brain SOMEWHERE. And where better than with complete strangers?
Twitter is a bitch to crack. Seroiusly. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself. Well mostly I am...I take a pill for that :)
ReplyDeleteI remember the first few times I tweeted during #ppdchat and how nobody responded--how I loathed Twitter then for making me, a mom with PPD/PPA, feel even LESS ALONE! But now I'm hooked, and when it works well, it's amazing. I love you on Twitter. I wish we connected more often there & elsewhere. I think I need to quit my day job and make that happen.
ReplyDeleteI totally felt this way when I first got on and still do sometimes. I am by no means a Twitter expert and, even though I follow you (@DoNotFaint), I don't keep track so this is just a general statement, not one directed at you specifically. I found that I really felt Twitter was a good thing when I applied more rules of regular conversation. Listen, respond, ask lots of questions. I feel like I'm more likely to connect with someone later if I take the time to say "Hope you have a safe flight!" when they tweet while traveling. I go on more now to find out what other people are saying and enjoy that and less often to say something myself. Not always, by any means--that's not what it's for. But often enough that feel connected. I hope that makes sense outside my head.
ReplyDeleteI hear what you're saying, but that's not really my problem. I give a lot, and I have plenty of really good friends who do give back. The problem I guess is harder to explain. It's just not ... satisfying. Kinda.
DeleteI don't Twitter because of that fact exactly. Sometimes I feel like I've said something funny or thought provoking on my blog or on FB and when it gets no response, I feel let down. I can only take so much of that. Then I disconnect and stop writing and reading blogs and Fb and then I feel better about me.
ReplyDeletesorry we've let you down.
ReplyDeleteOh, Prufrock. You know the driving point of the poem is that life is about taking chances and putting yourself out there so that when it comes down to the end of your life, the mermaids will be singing for you, right? Twitter is a fickle mistress, but it's also posterity. It's proof that you put yourself out there. So don't stop putting yourself out there.
ReplyDelete