Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Okay, universe, I get it already

Last weekend, we went to a birthday party and I saw some high school friends of ours. There was a time when the husband was one of my closest friends in the world, and I adore the wife also. They are sweet, funny, goofy, and some of the most generous hearted people I know.

The jerks.

Kidding. Of course.

We've kept loosely in touch over the years, and I know they've had more than their fair share of struggles. The week before their wedding, she lost her dad to cancer. A few years later, when their two year old was in infant, he lost his dad to suicide. Six months ago, they had a miscarriage.

Even though we're not that close now, I've done my best to love on them through it all, and they've let me know they appreciate it. So, I know how hard it has been for them. It's not a secret.

And yet. They have this amazing resilience, both as a couple and as individuals. They are open and positive. They are still goofy. She is an amazing, creative mom. They post on facebook and get dozens of responses from people who truly love them. And I admire them so for this, especially her, for the ability to overcome tragedy and for the ease with which she adjusted to full time motherhood and most of all for her ability to walk into a room and draw people to her.

I truly admire her. Okay, let's just be honest here. I'm jealous.

Yes, beneath my loving, empathetic, self-aware self there is someone dark and petty too. And no matter how many times I say we need to stop comparing, I can't help but compare.

So, imagine my surprise when hugging our goodbyes last Saturday, she turned to me and said, "I wish you guys lived closer. I get lonely sometimes. I haven't had the easiest time making mom friends."


Ahem. Okay, universe. Score one for you. I'm listening.


  1. I do that too, the comparing. But in fact we never know what we really are comparing ourselves with.
    Well written!

  2. Great words. I think we are naturally jealous of people sometimes, without realizing what individuals are going through. It's tough. But I'm so glad she can count on you as a friend, in good and bad!

  3. You know how much I compare myself. I would've been jealous too. But, like this so well illustrated, we never truly know what's going on with anyone.

  4. Best post title ever!!!

    And then your post, i don't know how it is possible to love you even more, but reading it just did that. Your vulnerability is such a strength. Your kindness is informed by your interaction with jealousy, not diminished by it. Thank you so much for sharing your process with us. It is a generous and coragious story to share.

  5. I am so guilty of the comparison as well, too. Your writing is so transparent and brave. As you eloquently reminded us, we never know what burdens others are carrying around. What a great life lesson.

  6. Looooooove this post. Truth for sure!!