Monday, February 13, 2012


If you haven't read my blog before? Let me sum it up for you:

My kid is cute.
We don't sleep.
I have trouble making friends.
Depression sucks.
You? As a mom? Are doing fine.

There, now you don't need to read any more of my posts. You're welcome.

There has to be something else to say.

This is not me fishing for compliments. If my blog isn't boring to you, I'm so glad. Really. If it's done you any good at all, my heart is singing right now. And I want to keep doing that. I want to keep saying things that matter.

But it's boring for me.

I know I "should" write about my kid more. I mean I'm a mommy blogger, right? When was the last time I wrote about something cute my kid did?

And I somehow found my way into being a mental health blogger. Except the "real" mental health bloggers, the people who fight this every day and who try to beat off the demons with every stick available in their arsenal, they're the ones who should be talking about that. If I'm being honest, I still struggle, but I'm mostly passed that. My struggle with my brain isn't about surviving anymore, it's about growing. And thriving.

And everything I write (including this!!) sounds so self absorbed and trite. I ramble and I whine. I can't stand to read it let alone write it.

So I'm stuck. I don't know where to go next or what to do.

And I don't know. I don't know, maybe this is just me running and hiding in a corner when it starts to get hard. Maybe this is just me getting in my own way, stomping my feet, and throwing a tantrum.

But it sure feels real to me.


  1. Your blog is what millions of other mothers are feeling everyday, me included! Keep writing it. One day you'll look back and be glad you did despite how boring YOU think it is. I enjoy it :-)
    It may seem unimportant to you right now, because I feel the same, every morning I wake up and think ughhh what brilliant words of wisdom should I write this morning. But you know what it's your life, this is how you're feeling right now and 5 years from now when you look back I bet you'll feel different and happy that you wrote it all down despite how it makes you feel.

    1. Thank you for saying that. I want to keep doing it. I just need to find a way to do it that feels authentic to me.

  2. Hum, well you said that your dream was to be a writer . . . use this space to hone that, to work towards that dream. What sort of writer do you want to be? Fiction or non-fiction? Newspaper or novel? Childrens lit or academic brillance?
    I love your writing . . . I am now pushing you to take that plunge and pursue your dream in whatever form it takes.

    1. See, that's the part where I don't KNOW. I don't know what to do next, or what I want to create, or what I want to do with it once I do. And I don't know how much of it is the fear and how much of it is the just not knowing.

    2. Here's my suggestion, which you are so more than welcome to feel free to ignore, why not start by writing a couple of articles for a parenting magazine. See if that is kind of your cup of tea.

  3. But see? I like reading this. I like knowing what you're thinking and how you're feeling. It doesn't matter what we want to hear or what you think you ought to write. Just be you. And write what makes sense for you.

  4. permission to stomp your feet and have a tantrum. thank you for allowing us to be with you while you are going through these growing pains. do what feels right/write. it's ok to take a break to figure your stuff out, and it's also great to read about how you process your stuff.
    so with lotsa love i am wishing you ease with this and sending hugs for the hard.

  5. Hi. Way late on this. Am, um, boring? No. I love the insights. I suck at reading lately but I always come and catch up on yours, even if I have to read 4 posts in a row. Not boring.

    And "real" mental health bloggers? Yes, some of our brave and beautiful mamas write amazing things and tackle the issues head on, but that doesn't make you any less of anything.