When I hold my snuggly sleepy baby on my tummy, pressing my nose into her hair, I can be fully engulfed by her. In that moment, I know that being her mom is one of the most important and fulfilling things I'll ever do.
But I? Am still a person. And I'm a person who has a purpose beyond "just" being a mom.
I just don't know what it is yet.
I want to create something that is beautiful. I want to help people. I want to increase the quantity of peace and love in the universe and decrease the quantity of pain. I want to do something, to make something I'm proud of. Something that is all about me and at the same time, not all about me.
I just can't quite see how to do that yet.
And that's okay.
(Deep breath)
And that's okay.
I don't have all the answers. I don't know who I am going to end up being, what I am going to end up doing. I don't know how the story ends.
I am a work in progress. A beautiful, delicate work in progress.
And right now? That's not such a bad thing to be.
<3 Proud of you for this.
ReplyDeleteOh boy, this has been my mantra (and my torture) the last few years since my girls were born, and more recently since I feel as though I've got the PPD under control. But, I guess we just have to be patient....
ReplyDeleteI'm also still in the process of figuring out what I want to be when I grow up... and I'm about to turn 37! So, this post really spoke to me.
ReplyDeleteI've finally decided to take the same attitude as you - I'm a work in progress, I'm still figuring out who and what I want to be, my "to-do" list will probably never be done, and that's all OK. Some days this is harder to do than others, but it's the only way I've figured out how to stay sane and med-free. ;)
I don't ever want to NOT be a work in progress. I think it is our path in life to always progress--to become better, more... I never want to get to "the end."
ReplyDeleteSo bravo to you for being a work in progress! :)
Well now, I think that you are already working hard to help people. My sharing your story, your struggles with PPD, you are helping others who are scared, feeling alone and lost to the darkness.
ReplyDeleteWhat is that saying "Life is the journey, not the destination" . The journey allows us to try new things and see what fits and what doesn't.
Jenn
I'm still working on who I want to be when I grow up. And that's okay. It's a journey, not a destination.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I'm going through the same things. I know that I want to do more, but I'm not sure what yet. I'm not sure what I'm *supposed* to do. Thanks for reminding me to live in the present - to be. :)
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing all those things, and I know you will find how exactly you want to apply that on a bigger or more focused way in the world. It is okay to be a work in progress. We all are. :)
ReplyDelete