What if this is as good as it gets?

So, last night, I was googling "How do I know what I want?"

You know, like people do.

What I found was a lot of career advice, a lot of quizzes to help you figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.

That's not really what I was looking for.

I don't need a new career.  I don't need a new project, or a new hobby.  I don't need to ask myself what I would do if I had a million dollars, if I could do whatever I wanted.

I'd be here.  And, no, I probably wouldn't be any more or less happy.

What I was looking for wasn't advice on how to know what to do with the rest of my life.  What I wanted was to know what I wanted right now.  What I want to do with the next five minutes.  The things for which I want to ask and with which I want help.

I know that I'm uncomfortable.  That my gut says there has to be something else.

What if that's a lie?

What if this is as good as it gets?  What if I don't know what I want to be working towards because there's nothing to work towards?  What if I'm already doing all the things I need to do?  What if my life is already fine and uncomfortable is just normal?

I can't decide if that thought is comforting or terrifying.