So, last night, I was googling "How do I know what I want?"
You know, like people do.
What I found was a lot of career advice, a lot of quizzes to help you figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.
That's not really what I was looking for.
I don't need a new career. I don't need a new project, or a new hobby. I don't need to ask myself what I would do if I had a million dollars, if I could do whatever I wanted.
I'd be here. And, no, I probably wouldn't be any more or less happy.
What I was looking for wasn't advice on how to know what to do with the rest of my life. What I wanted was to know what I wanted right now. What I want to do with the next five minutes. The things for which I want to ask and with which I want help.
I know that I'm uncomfortable. That my gut says there has to be something else.
What if that's a lie?
What if this is as good as it gets? What if I don't know what I want to be working towards because there's nothing to work towards? What if I'm already doing all the things I need to do? What if my life is already fine and uncomfortable is just normal?
I can't decide if that thought is comforting or terrifying.