Wednesday, February 5, 2014

What if this is as good as it gets?

So, last night, I was googling "How do I know what I want?"

You know, like people do.

What I found was a lot of career advice, a lot of quizzes to help you figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.

That's not really what I was looking for.

I don't need a new career.  I don't need a new project, or a new hobby.  I don't need to ask myself what I would do if I had a million dollars, if I could do whatever I wanted.

I'd be here.  And, no, I probably wouldn't be any more or less happy.

What I was looking for wasn't advice on how to know what to do with the rest of my life.  What I wanted was to know what I wanted right now.  What I want to do with the next five minutes.  The things for which I want to ask and with which I want help.

I know that I'm uncomfortable.  That my gut says there has to be something else.

What if that's a lie?

What if this is as good as it gets?  What if I don't know what I want to be working towards because there's nothing to work towards?  What if I'm already doing all the things I need to do?  What if my life is already fine and uncomfortable is just normal?

I can't decide if that thought is comforting or terrifying.

1 comment:

  1. We had a marriage counselor ask us this once. It is an interesting question. Like you said, terrifying or comforting? I don't know! Her follow up question was, if this is as good as it gets, what do you do with that? We decided to be okay with it, and celebrate that it is pretty okay. (Some days that is easier than others!)

    Interesting question, but you can't ever really know, can you?