Growing? Hurts.
This month I have been doing a lot of reading, listening, reflecting, and searching. I've come across a lot of ideas that resonated with me and have been taking notes, setting goals, thinking about my direction. And as I sit here right now, with my baby half opening her eyes and my Big Girl going into hour three of her nap, I have only one thought about the whole prospect.
I don't wanna.
The more I think about the characteristics on which I need to work, about the things that I know would bring more joy to my life, about purpose and direction and authenticity, the more I want to drink a second cup of coffee and stare blankly at my twitter feed for the next seven hours.
Wait, what?
I know, of course, that doing almost anything is better than doing nothing, so my bed is made. The laundry is folded. We've been having pretty amazing dinners.
And I? Am disappearing.
My sweet Big Girl likes to tell me "Baby sister wants to grow up and play blocks and dance" and I look at my two month old peacefully kicking on her playmat and think, Does she?
She does. Of course she does.
And so do I. I think that going backwards is just a necessary step for going forwards.
Growth is a tough process. I think part of growth involves that one step forward and two steps backward. It is only in falling down and stumbling that we truly learn. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteChange is hard, especially when it's self-driven too. I always think I'll just do it later and that makes it harder. The fact that you recognize that you want to change is a huge step right there.
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