I don’t understand how some people think it’s easy to make
connections.
People with full social calendars who meet someone at a
grocery store and immediately know everything about them, including their phone
number and the best time to plan a playdate.
I don’t understand people who think it’s easy to go out, to
pick up the phone, to get on G+ and pour their hearts out to strangers face to
face.
I don’t understand vlogging.
(And I don't understand why the "h" key on my keyboard keeps sticking, but that's really beside the point.)
I am confident in my choices, in the power of the written
word, in what I’m doing here and in my own comfort level with sharing and
connecting.
So I don’t understand why I feel jealous when I see other
people doing it differently.
I don’t understand this feeling in my gut of shame, that I’ll
never be good enough or real enough or loved enough unless I can put myself out
there the way other people do, the way I’ve accepted is something I’m just not
interested in.
I don’t understand why this hurts today, why I’m so afraid
of being left behind, where exactly it is I’d rather be than here.
I feel the same way sometimes, about how some people can put themselves out there so easily while I often struggle. I think if you're happy with what you write then you're doing great. (Stopping over from Jana's SOC)
ReplyDeleteI have those fears of being left behind, too. It can be hard to watch people go to a new place, even when you don't really want to be there with them. I don't have an answer for that.
ReplyDeleteMaking connections is hard.
You won't be left behind. You're right here in my phone and computer and iPad. I carry you everywhere!
ReplyDeleteI think that is universal. We all don't want to miss out. But I can tell you it's gotten better for me with age. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way with in-person connections. I'm so envious of the people who can just schedule those playdates and have such an easy time meeting people.
ReplyDeleteYou won't be left behind! You're very loved and always supported by so many. (hugs)
Huge hugs. I carry you in my heart and my phone. You will not be left behind. I still get the tinge of jealousy when I think about other opportunities. I remember that life is a journey. We all need to make our own path.
ReplyDeleteAs always, you take the words right out of my brain. I always feel like I'm doing this wrong too. Like, why can't I make connections in the way that's comfortable for me? And why can't I feel like the way I'm doing things really IS ok instead of feeling like it's wrong and other people are doing it better?
ReplyDelete