I don’t understand how some people think it’s easy to make connections.
People with full social calendars who meet someone at a grocery store and immediately know everything about them, including their phone number and the best time to plan a playdate.
I don’t understand people who think it’s easy to go out, to pick up the phone, to get on G+ and pour their hearts out to strangers face to face.
I don’t understand vlogging.
(And I don't understand why the "h" key on my keyboard keeps sticking, but that's really beside the point.)
I am confident in my choices, in the power of the written word, in what I’m doing here and in my own comfort level with sharing and connecting.
So I don’t understand why I feel jealous when I see other people doing it differently.
I don’t understand this feeling in my gut of shame, that I’ll never be good enough or real enough or loved enough unless I can put myself out there the way other people do, the way I’ve accepted is something I’m just not interested in.
I don’t understand why this hurts today, why I’m so afraid of being left behind, where exactly it is I’d rather be than here.