I spent some quiet time today thinking about me, and who I am and what I need and what I realized was this.
I need to write.
There's never been a time in my life when writing didn't make things better.
But lately I haven't been writing anything. It's these demons in my head, they tell me I can't do it. They tell me I don't have time. They tell me it's not worth the trouble.
But it is.
Yael threw me for a loop today. She told me that the little voices in my head aren't trying to destroy me. They're trying to protect me. They're doing a bass-ackward job of it, but really they mean well (geez, don't I say that about everyone else? Why didn't I think to say it about myself?).
So why am I not letting me write?
I'm terribly afraid. Afraid of reaching a dark place that I can't handle. Afraid of putting things out there that I can't take back. Afraid of being rejected. Afraid of failing.
So afraid of failing that I'm not doing the one thing in my whole life that I know is guaranteed to make me better.
So here I am. Writing.
And forgive me if I write the worst crap in all the world. Love me anyway okay? Because the only way out is through.