5 things I never thought I'd hear myself say until I was a parent

1.  No, you may not sit on your sister's head.
2.  Don't lick the car.
3.  No, this is the bathroom.  This is not where we come to dance.  It's just where we come to use the potty.
4.  I am not now, nor ever have been, the silly beast.
5.  It's okay that you want to be pretty, but stop smearing spit on your face.  That's not what people do.

And that was just today.  Ahem.

What have you recently been heard saying?