In my head, I am a great writer.
I mean, I know I can write. We're going for honesty here, so I'm going to skip the kind-of-fishing-for-compliments-self-deprecating false humility. I know I can write. I can write well.
But I don't.
I love blogging. I love visiting blogs, connecting with other bloggers on twitter. I love being part of the mom blogging community. These days, though, I feel like I can hardly call myself a blogger. At best, I'm someone with a blog. A "precious," "cute" little blog.
And there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I appreciate when you say those things. I appreciate that you're here at all, especially since so many of you have such wonderful, popular, and Important blogs. I mean that. I have the best blogging friends in the world, and when people like you say my blog is cute? It makes me smile.
But really I want more than that.
I want this to be What I Do. I want to BE a blogger. I want to have a blog that does something that matters. If any of that even makes any sense.
Sometimes, I think about taking a blogging class, about joining a blogging forum, to figure out what I need to do to make my blog bigger. To make it something that can matter. In my heart, though, I know what I need to do.
I need to write. And I'm not.
Why not? Because I'm tired. Because my life seems so mundane. Because the baby is climbing on the TV. Because I'd rather waste away the day on twitter.
Because I'm afraid.
What happens if I try and fail? What happens if my funny isn't funny, if my heartfelt isn't moving? Why would anyone really care what I have to say?
So how do I overcome this paralysis? How do I keep moving forward? How do I become the blogger I want to be?